Where everybody knows your name...

Ever notice if you talk to churchy "established" folk about their church community one of the things that they will say is, "I love my church because its so warm and friendly."

Warm and Friendly.

Years ago when, back when I was a church geek in the pews instead of the pulpit, the organization that I worked for sent me to a conference on the east coast. It worked out that I had free time on Sunday morning... and yup, you guessed it-- being the church geek I am, I went to... church! I found their ad in my hotel directory-- a local Episcopal church walking distance from my hotel-- warm and friendly their little ad read. Cool.
So off, I went taking their ad at face value... what did I know? I was barely 25!

It was an old historic east coast kind of place. The dude handing out bulletins looked like an old fashioned banker in his three piece pinstripe suit as he handed me a bulletin and a scowl... warm and friendly...

One person obligingly shook my hand at the peace.

As I snuck out after communion, the bulletin guy stopped me short of the exit out onto the street. "Where's your family?" he asked. "Oh," I answered, "I'm single. I don't have a family."

"Oh," he said back and without skipping a beat, "Well, why are you here then?" Yup, warm and friendly church.

Ask most people who belong to a warm and friendly church about new members or growing and they'll most likely tell you," We're not interested in growing-- we like our size-- we're warm and friendly.

I've served and attended a few warm and friendly places and have watched at the Peace and Coffee Hour and other social events as newer people stand near the edges like junior high wall flowers at the school dance waiting and hoping that the cute boy will grace their presence... warm and friendly. I've sat with new member after new member who have cried on my shoulder or shook their head in disbelief because they just couldn't crack their way into the warm and friendly church.

How often I've heard the only thing that keeps me here is your sermons on Sundays. And I've wanted to weep because there should be more to hold people in a community rather than just little old me.

I've sat with leaders in the warm and friendly church as they've asked, "whatever happened to so and so?" And we've suddenly realized that months, not weeks have gone by but because every member in our warm and friendly community is either too busy over functioning doing a million and one ministries or just schlepping in on a Sunday morning for the "show", no one in the warm and friendly community ever noticed the one that fell through the cracks.

Yes, warm and friendly can't seem to value the concept of intentional small circles of people who pray together and maybe check on other members who are part of their smaller prayer circle.

Nope, we'll have none of that-- no smaller circles outside the warm and friendly one.

In the end, of course its the priest's fault that so and so snuck away... priests are to be ober-competent over-functioning cruise directors for the warm and friendly church.

I've talked to members of the warm and friendly community that are starving for deeper fellowship and meaning in their lives, depressed or in grief or simply wanting to pray and discern but because the community was warm and friendly, there was not enough people to develop a circle of disciples to pray together and a create a safe place to ask the hard questions of life. Warm and Friendly was some how more important than discipleship and prayer.

When I've served in the warm and friendly places, I've noticed that quite often what gets sabotaged is being a witness for Jesus Christ in the world to others through invitation to church and offering real hospitality to those who are outside the warm and friendly circle and maybe even outsiders to church or Christianity.

I've also noticed that the priests tend to burn out of such places because the ministry was all about them and when they go, the whole place goes to hell in a hand basket. When its all about the priest, what do you expect? Everyone is so warm and friendly, but where are the disciples who follow Jesus?

My advice to anyone who is even thinking of darkening the doors of a church is to do a little asking around when you arrive-- ask the dude in the suit at the door handing out the church bulletin-- what do you like about this place?

If he answers, "its so warm and friendly," run like hell and then go to brunch instead.